The Foolish Flower

145 Days left boy this year is never going to end. Ever since the begining its been full speed ahead and I've been nothing but miserable since then...and it only seems like people can say they're sorry. Wow that really kills me, its probably turned into one of my biggest pet peeves, stop saying youre sorry its not your fault and sorrys are going to get me no wheres. I need results now more than ever.

I relized that I've kept myself guarded for quite awhile now, afraid to let anyone in and hurt me, finally I let that one person in...they know more about me than anyone else has ever known. To say the least it scares the crap out of me. They hold my whole world in their hands and I've never felt like this before...

Somedays I couldn't be happier that they have it but others I'm scared...they know so much about me and I feel like I don't know nearly as much about them. I've fallen madly in love with them but what do I really know about them? With one swift move they can simply take my world out right from under my feet.

What if I just made everything to easy, What if I played harder to get, What if I always kept a part of me guarded...there are so many of these "What ifs" and I don't know the answer. It's my first time for all of these new emotions and feelings, somedays I get so confussed on how to inturpert them.

It feels like me against the world somedays, the thoughts in my head never end. Maybe it would just be eaiser to crawl back into my cacoon and hide...but thats not life. Youre ment to get broken and beat I know that...I just dont want it but it seems so easyfor some people to do to me.

I'm a flower...a delicate, fragile, whilting flower...

All it really comes down to is life in the end...thats all it is and you have you deal with it... the dissapointment and hard times comes with the happiness and passion its a package deal, going hand and hand together.

It's just hard somedays when you know exactly what you want but you know it'll never happen...no matter how much you wish or hope they won't change, it's how it is and who they are...

Maybe one day it'll all plan out just like I imagine, maybe all these hard times will be worth something, maybe the big guys got huge plans for me that i can't even fathom...only time will tell...

"It is the things you can not see comimg that are strong enough to kill you. It's in the moment when youre just about to break, but you don't quite. You pull it together and slap on a smile, even if it's the hardest thing you'll ever have to do."

Lonely Princess

Its crumbled right out from under me right before my very eyes my world lays in peices waiting for me to figure everything out and put it back together. My own little puzzle.

It wasn't suppose to happen like this Senior year was suppose to be great full of unforgetable memories and fun times its been nothing but a nightmare for me. I'm so stressed and nervous about everything and anything.

I wish I had a fast forward button to skip over all this and go to the better parts of life, but thats not how it works, life isnt that easy it simply can't be... As much as I'd like to believe my knight in shining armor is going to save me from this dragon and ride me into the sunset on his trusty steed then we'll live happily ever after it isnt going to work like that.

I'm the princess and the knight, I have to be my own hero, I have to believe in myself to make it through all of this. It's my life and they're my problems, sure people can help but I feel like no one can really find the right words to make me feel better. I don't really think anyone can relate to what I'm going through...but who knows my problems may be minute to others.

I guess these trials are just preparing me for the path ahead, with isnt looking to smooth right now.

I'll get away from all this one day, I know my happily ever after is out there somewheres I just have to be patient, which I am most certainly not.

My heads up in the clouds while my bodys living in reality

Its tough to stuggle like this and not be able to explain to anyone how you feel. I wish someone could relate. I wish someone could make all my woes go away. I wish I could disapear.

I need something great to happen, I need a fairygod mother, I need a miracle.

All I can do is cling to my last bit of sanity and hope for the best...thats all I can do anymore. I'm doing my best what else do you want from me?!

I'm doing my best to stay afloat hoping I'll catch the next life boat.

Week 1

The count down has begun, one down and thirty-nine weeks left till May twenty-third.

Its crazy just last week I was saying how I'm not ready to graduate and go to college and now i couldnt be more excited to go just to get away from all of this, the people the drama all the hype about high school.

I've lived in that world for four years now and it's to over rated for my taste.

Ive gone through the good the bad the ugly the great the horrible and the embarresing. I've learned alot about myself and alot about others. They say high school are the best years of your life but I'm here to tell you No its not. Atleast for me it wasnt, not saying it wasnt good because there were some of the most amazing moments that I'm never going to forget wrapped up in these four tiny years.

Its full of trials about right and wrong it not about making a name for yourself and its not going to be a walk in the park. Its about preparing yourself physically and mentaly for the challenges outside of our sheltered lives, but then there are some schools who can't even do that right.

Lifes not gonig to give you a second chance when you screw up or do something wrong. They're not going to pick you up off your ass and ask if youre ok, theyre gonna leave you there to dust yourself off.

In the world of today people arent nice and they dont give a shit, I for one have learned this...and in our generation weve been over run by this disease called lazyness. Things aren't just handed to you, you have to work for it. We complain because it's to hard and we simply give up, how old are we now?

As most of us go through our last year there has to be a goal something we look to that will keep us going...but most of us dont even know if were going to college. There are certain people out there that dont know what they're going to do and this makes me worry. I know youre smart enough I know you can do what ever you can put your mind to I wish you would try harder. It hurts me inside because i dont know if I can have that in my life.

Life can't be carefree forever.

I've got big plans for my life and at times I don't know if anyones going to be able to keep up with me. I wish I wasn't compulsive like this but hey I'm just a girl who knows what she wants. I know some people won't be able to keep up and maybe thats for the best I don't need them in my life anyways, but as for other people I'm rooting for them cuz they seem like the underdog in all of this.

I wish I could make them understand but I can't seem to get it out in the right words. I wanna shake them but what go is that gonna do? I'm just scared I want them need them in my life...

Promises are just words.

I can't wait to get out of this prision and dive right into a whole new experience. I'm ready to get rid of the drama and the clicks and show the world what I'm made of.

Somethings changed this year in me and i dont know if its for better or for worse. It's time to show the real me...not the fake emo bitch that everyone apparently thinks I am...who knows guess its just time to ride the wave.

So here's the plan

I need a way to just let all my feelings out about this stressful year and this seems like the easiest way to let it all out.

These are my thought none of this is censored youre getting the raw uncut me...think you can handle it?

Well youre still reading so I guess youre taking on the chalenge so buckle up were in this crazy ride together.

SENIOR YEAR